Bulk Email

According to our calculations, roughly one in two idiots is considered a “celebrity.” Thanks to the proliferation of VH-1 specials and viral videos, that number will continue to rise at an alarming rate.

So, how can one distinguish between celeb-reality hacks and the famous few who are worthy of being worshiped? We suggest looking at fan club searches.

We stalked the top fan clubs in Buzz and found an interesting mix of starlets and bands (with a totally bitchin’ car thrown in for good measure). Enjoy!

Ashlee’s 15 years old, loves sports and pop music, and is available for marriage for the low price of $37,500. Possible bride Gabriella, aged 17, is a steal at $19,995. Suitors willing to pony up the big bucks might be interested in Kristin, who is 16, exhibits “a wild streak,” and is currently valued at $49,995.

These lovely young ladies, and others, can be found on the web site Marry Our Daughter. Pinging around the Internet at ever-increasing speeds, the site has provoked an impressive amount of buzz. Angry proponents of romantic love can relax, though. It’s a hoax. Last week, prankster Joe Ordover confessed that he made up the site to protest “inconsistencies in state marriage laws.”

Furor over the daughter-hawking domain has built to a tizzy. Page views have skyrocketed, angry emails have proliferated, and yesterday, searches for the site leapt 1,709%. Intriguingly, one region of the country dominates the list of areas seeking the faux-marriage marketplace. Whether that’s from outrage—or interest—we can’t say, but check out the map of yesterday’s searches for “marry our daughter”…

Last week agents of Blackwater USA killed a number of civilians in Iraq. Following the incident, the private security firm was grounded in Baghdad’s Green Zone. News of the bloody affair emboldened buzz on the guns-for-hire, though not in a way we would have imagined.

Searches for “blackwater” and “blackwater iraq” made logical leaps. Yet who could have imagined that news of a deadly encounter in one of the most dangerous places on the planet would spark a rush on queries for “blackwater usa jobs” or “blackwater security jobs“? Over 81% of the queries came from men, and 64% of those were men between the ages of 25 and 54. Hazard pay certainly has its adherents.

Working as a security consultant for Blackwater USA may not qualify as one of the world’s most dangerous jobs—the top spot on that list goes to fisherman, incidentally—but we’re sure the occupation is a contender. As for the eager job seekers, we expect to see more searches now that Blackwater is back in service in Baghdad.

Evil battles luck this weekend — and at the Buzz multiplex, evil may just win. Then again, the box office will benefit either way, as people seem to be in a movie-watching mood.

1. “Resident Evil: Extinction” (R). With the movie in the top 2,500 searches, do plot and character matter? Always: People are searching on the first two horror thrillers, so they’ll be caught up with Alice (the lovely Milla Jovovich). Resurgence may make the heart and the Buzz grow fonder for Milla, but “Heroes” star Ali Larter has surpassed her in searches. Co-stars Mike Epps and Oded Fehr also get some cyber love.

2. “Good Luck Chuck” (R). After kicking butts and/or displaying her own in bikini wear, Jessica Alba is finally moving into romantic comedy territory. Dane Cook plays a regular Joe who becomes a hot date after women realize his ex-girlfriends go on the rebound and snag wedding rings. With Jessica reaping in more searches than all the premieres, will her hordes of male fans follow her to what sounds like the ultimate date movie? Yes — “Chuck” appeals to mostly to guys (66%).

3. “Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (R, limited release). Hollywood moseys back into the Wild West, this time casting Brad Pitt as one of America’s worst outlaws, Jesse James. For a limited release, the buzz is solid, especially among the men. Star Brad has three times the searches of the title from men and ladies alike.

4. “Into the Wild” (R, limited). Based on a true story, an athlete with everything chucks it all to go live in Alaska… and not for very long. People may be more into the music, as searches for “eddie vetter into the wild soundtrack” skyrocket. Catherine Keener, the dark horse of Buzz, pulls way ahead of leading man Emile Hirsch or co-star Vince Vaughn.

5. “Sydney White” (PG-13). Amanda Bynes returns to fight the power, this time in the form of snotty sorority woman. Bynes has eight times the Search appeal of the comedy, which successfully aims for the pre-teen and teen girl jugular. A few searchers may be distracted by the star’s new Dear clothing line.

6. “The Jane Austen Book Club” (PG-13, limited). Workshop etiquette says begin with the positive, and that would be buzz for stars Mario Bello, Emily Blunt, Maggie Grace and Amy Brenneman. Now–given recent Jane Austen-inspired duds, this one about six women who find parallels about their romantic lives to the author’s six books may follow the same downhill route.

7. “The Last Winter” (no rating, limited). No strong attention for this unrated horror movie about a petroleum exploration company looking for oil reserves in Alaska, and mysterious disasters gnaw away at their sanity. Of the diminishingly sane crew, only Connie Britton sparks any Search recognition.

Where’s my other sock? Who clogged the toilet? How does Rob Schneider have a career? Some mysteries will never be solved. Fortunately that doesn’t stop amateur sleuths from investigating in Search.

We took a look at the top “mystery” searches from the past week and discovered an intriguing mixture of terms. Grab a magnifying glass and take a look…

A few notes before we pronounce these cases closed…

— Six of the top 20 mystery searches, including the top spot, are for online games.

— ”Mystery,” the world’s premiere pick-up artist, can lay claim to two searches. Desperate dudes are interested in the man as well as his method.

— What do the Mystery Spot and the Winchester Mystery House have in common? They’re both popular tourist traps.

— Searches on “mystery books” and “mystery stories for kids” prove that old fashioned whodunits are still big.

With college football heading into its fourth week, it’s an appropriate time to look at the two top-ranked programs in the nation. Pigskin pundits are hoping to see USC and LSU run the table and face off in New Orleans in early 2008 for the BCS Championship.

There’s still plenty of season left to play, but we’re already curious how the two squads match up in Buzz…

The media may be focused on TV’s freshmen class, but the Buzz prefers familiar faces. Below, we rank the week’s most searched network programs. All the networks are represented, though fledgling CW has a slight lead with five programs in the top 20.

Not surprisingly, episodes with an early start nabbed early Buzz. Cell melodrama “Prison Break” broke out Sept. 17. Meanwhile, Tyra launched her ANTM cycle 9 onto the high seas Sept. 19, fear of dolphins be damned.

Animation shows resilience. “The Simpsons,” the oldest of the bunch but still nimble, is likely living off the love from its July theatrical debut. Its diabolical brethren, “Family Guy,” opened the Emmy awards, but that nor its “Family Guy Live” touring show have managed to boost its numbers to 2006 premiere levels. Still, who’s going to argue a top 5 ranking?

Finally, if “Lost” could find its way into a fall schedule, it would’ve placed among the most searched shows, just behind “Grey’s Anatomy.” But if the wayward drama always played by the rules, it wouldn’t be the alluring, contrarian enigma we’ve come to love.

On Monday, a 21-year-old student named Andrew Meyer stepped up to the microphone at a University of Florida event with John Kerry. The undergrad wanted to ask a question, or make a point, or hawk a book. Maybe he just wanted to heckle the one-time presidential candidate. What happened instead catapulted the senior to the top of Buzz.

Andrew got a little heated in his quizzing of the senator. The police officers at the event got a little heated listening. They interfered. He resisted. Andrew got Tasered.

Within hours, video of the incident was racing across the Web and searches were proliferating at record speed. Buzz for “john kerry” (+1,280%), “taser” (+533%), and “university of florida” (+108%) hurtled upwards. Interest in Andrew propelled his name into our top movers of the day.

Related queries like “andrew meyer tasered,” “florida student tasered,” and “john kerry taser” leapt. Demand for “andrew meyer video” and “taser student video” recorded huge gains. Even Greg Palast, the author of the book toted by the student, saw a rise in queries.

Now, two of the officers involved have been placed on “administrative leave,” and hundreds of students have hit the pavement at UF in protest of police brutality. Sites like Yahoo! Answers and Facebook have registered an outbreak of questions and discussions about the event.

If Andrew Meyer wanted to provoke attention when he addressed the Massachusetts senator, he got it. But we doubt he wanted to come up against an electronic stun gun—or to be known forever as the guy who yelped, “Don’t Tase me, bro!”

Comparing apples and oranges isn’t apt, but comparing apples and pumpkins is fair game this time of year. Rosy-cheeked searchers have sought out orchards (+86%) and farms (+725%) for their “apple picking” pleasures (+102%). People are also scouting out the most sincere pumpkin patch (+64%) to pick halloween pumpkins (+151%) for a little carving (+115%) and gouging.

Not that you have to pick and choose (especially with some apple farms hosting pumpkin patches), but we couldn’t resist a Buzz fruit-off.

It was the tease heard ’round the Web. Last Wednesday, Mary-Kate Olsen appeared on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” to promote her new role in the Showtime series “Weeds.” She crossed her legs, tossed her big blond mane, and dropped a flyaway joke that she’s pregnant.

Let’s stop there. It was a joke. Repeat, a joke. But it’s a miracle if females between the ages of 13 and 29 got any work done the next day. Searches for the 21-year-old celeb leapt 1,181%, while buzz on her mommy gag blasted upwards—and kept blasting. One week later, we’re still logging queries for “mary kate pregnant,” “is mary-kate olsen pregnant,” and “mary-kate olsen pregnancy.” Girls, she was making a funny!

But it’s not just the happily expectant news that stirs up buzz on Mary-Kate’s physique. The actress sought help for an eating disorder in 2004, yet we continue to see tabloid stories—and searches—on the topic today. Sure, she’s unnvervingly skinny. So are a lot of Hollywood starlets-slash-fashion icons. But none of them saw a 447% surge in “anorexia” queries last week.